Learning to deal with difficult people is a basic function that is crucial to living a less stressful life. Here's 5 rules to keep in mind when navigating your relationships:
1. It is never your place to change someone.
This rule is as hard to swallow as it is important. If you are not a parent, you have one job & that job is self preservation. It is fantastic to teach others. It is fulfilling and beautiful when you can inspire others. But, the impact you may have on people around you is THEIR choice, not yours. We naturally want the people around us to agree with our standards but, there are many different ways to live. A great weight is lifted from your shoulders the moment you decide to accept others as they are. We cannot control when or if change will occur in a person. Living as an example to others, is the greatest way to become a catalyst for change. Accept their differences, learn from them, allow them to experience your lifestyle and allow them to choose. It's not your loss if they do not change, because it was never your responsibility to change them in the first place.
2. It is okay to walk away.
You don't have to live in a toxic environment. Many people believe that history or family ties obligate them to remain loyal to someone, regardless of how that person is treating them. There should be a standard for how someone can treat you. That standard should be high. If someone is mistreating you, you have the an obligation to remove yourself from that situation. You can love someone and recognize that it is not healthy to have him or her in your life. Allowing someone to use you as a punching bag is not helping him/her & it's wasting time that could be spent with people who allow you to feel your best. Walking away does not have to mean forever. It does not have to mean making an enemy. Separating can be peaceful, and graceful. Live with an open heart and a keen eye. If you see people in a realistic way, you can judge when they have earned the right to be apart of your life.
3. You're self worth is not measured by the opinions of others.
For every person that dismisses you, there is another who would love you as you are. At the end of the day, your self worth stems from an internal barometer. You, alone, know if you're living a life that is true to your personal metrics of success. Don't expect everyone to understand you or accept you. Embrace and celebrate those who do, and forgive those who don't.
4. Your reaction is a choice.
When dealing with difficult people, we naturally react in a defensive way. It's easy to think to yourself, what is wrong with this person or why is this person putting me in this situation? Rarely do we stop and think to ourselves, how can I change or control this situation? The cliche 'when you point a finger at someone the rest of your fingers point back at you' holds true. Absorbing the negativity of others is a choice. Are you projecting any negative emotions onto this person? Are you choosing to keep in touch with a person who continually brings you down? Are you allowing jealousy, insecurities, or condescension to dictate your interaction? Can you react to this situation with humor or compromise? People are complex, but living amongst them is simple. Learn to control your reaction.
5. Live by the Golden Rule.
If you're really living by the four other rules I've described than your standard for how others treat you is pretty high. The Golden Rule states do unto others as you wish they do unto you. If you're going to hold others at a high standard, expect to treat them as your equal. Respect, accept, and celebrate all the people that share all your best moments!
