The 7 E's of My Easy Labor

Pregnancy and Labor are amazingly unique experiences. But, their diversity makes preparations difficult for expecting mothers. Not being able to thoroughly prepare for something did not bode well for me. I make lists. I check things off. I micromanage. When pregnancy struck, I pulled out my neon sticky notes and bought an extra large binder. Like a overzealous journalist, I asked a lot of questions and I. wanted. answers.

Disappointment.
More often than not, my questions were met with vague, muddled, ball-parked trinkets of advice from mothers, doctors, and nurses. There were no quick and pretty, concrete answers concerning such an unpredictable force of nature.  They did their best to comfort my concerns, but responses that started with  "Sometimes...." "It's rare that..." or "You never know..." began to fall on deaf ears. I did not want to accept the emerging truth: researchers, medical professional, doulas, and experienced mothers could not predict my future.
 

Our medical community has made amazing strides in pain management and optimal outcomes regarding labor and delivery, yet  it is still beyond our complete control. Childbirth is still a formidable, raw, unbridled piece of my inherent primitive self that does not care if I meticulously put together a color-coded, "My Labor"  binder. Despite halfheartedly acknowledging this reality, my type-A personality still scanned the internet relentlessly looking for magic answers. 

Now, that I have some experience...

<---Fresh Baby!

I AM HERE TO ENABLE MY FELLOW Type A MAMAS!

I'm going to write the most egregious and pretentious article I can possibly write. 7 Tips that Gave me a 7 Hour Labor! No, that's even too ridiculous to claim after a warning paragraph. Let me try again. The 7 tips that may have contributed to making my labor a more pleasant experience and also perhaps shorter. About 7 hours to be technically accurate. 

I had a 6-7 hour, complication-free, empowering labor & delivery.

Sorry Ladies, no magic answer.

The fact that I had a quick labor verses many of my friends who suffered long labors with complications comes primarily down to luck. I did nothing "better" than these other women and they should be celebrated for having to endure a longer ordeal to welcome their little ball of happy into the world. 

That being said, I can offer some advice and I can pepper it with some concrete **kind of magical?** examples.

 I feel confident recommending my choices that stuck out as the positive "game changers" in my labor. Just keep in mind, these suggestions offer no guarantees and should never over ride suggestions from your physician.  The truth  remains that pregnancy is still largely an enigma, but I truly believe the next 7 suggestions helped my outcomes.

And I made them all start with the letter E!

1.  Empower

There are three people that need to be empowered during this process: Your medical professional, your support person, and yourself. Discuss a birth plan prior to delivery with your support person and medical professional.  Explain your expectations openly and keep a positive mindset that the team around you is there to make your experience great. Lock into your mind that you are strong and capable. Replace the fears and doubts with an iron sense of inner power. You can do this!

CONCRETE ANSWER: Develop a mantra for yourself to use during labor. Mine was, "I am strong and my body is made for this!" Teach the mantra to your support person and go over the specifics of what you expect from him or her. I told my husband, "Please don't leave my line of sight, stay calm, try to make me laugh, and keep the ice chips coming!"

2. Embrace Natural

Try to avoid medical interventions that can create an intervention snowball effect raising your risk for complications. Try to allow your body to be the leader. As women, our bodies have been developing our whole lives for this. Our reproductive system is a truly amazing thing and luckily we don't need a PhD to operate it. You will be amazed at how your body's natural autopilot will take over. Do not work against your body, flow with it. Pain and pressure are indicators that changes are happening within you that are bringing you closer to having your baby in your arms. I am an advocate for allowing your body to take its time through this process. This is not always possible if there are complications that require interventions. It is important to remember that your medical team knows best and there are many circumstances where medical interventions are necessary and vital. My suggestions are only relevant for a healthy pregnancy, outside of emergency situations. I suggest avoiding the Pitocin and inductions by implementing natural alternatives whenever possible. For example, instead of going to the hospital when I initially felt contractions, I stayed at home. I went to sleep, and then I paced around the halls. I did not go into the hospital until my water broke and I was about 4 cm dilated. When you are experiencing those contractions, it can be tempting to hurry the process along, but you want all of the changes your body is orchestrating to be in sync. When you start to introduce synthetic alternatives, your body is not keeping up.

CONCRETE ANSWER: I spent my early labor at home and used natural pain management techniques (including a jacuzzi tub in the hospital, breathing exercises, and changing positions frequently) until I was fully dilated. My first medical intervention (the epideral) was administered when I was fully dilated and ready to push!

3. Educate yourself 

How did I define my expectations? I researched my options. I wanted to know what my hospital could do for me. I wanted to know the risks of certain interventions and the options I had if scenario A, B, C, or Z occurred. Like I said, I like the preparation work. Educating yourself is important even if you aren't a list maker, like me. Most hospitals offer classes that include a tour of the hospital. Do not skip these. The classes not only teach you options and explain the procedures, they allow you to practice techniques like breathing exercises with your support person, and voice your concerns. The classes open discussions between you and your support person that you may not have otherwise considered. Education will Empower you and your partner! Not to mention, the tour of the facility allows you to visualize your labor. On the day of our delivery, I knew where I had to go, I knew how to check in, and what accommodations my room provided. I felt prepared, and therefore, I felt calm.

CONCRETE ANSWER: I took the Labor and Delivery Course at my hospital (2 hours, once a week, 6 weeks, $70.00) that included a tour. I also took Baby Care Basics (2 day, 3 hour course, $20.00) through our local Giant and Breastfeeding through the La Leche League(1 day, 4 hours, free).

4. Exercise

Stay active during your pregnancy. Exercise can promote better circulation and keep your body primed for the exhausting work out of delivering your baby. Exercise is also a stress reliever. Remember that any little thing you do will help, so take a slow walk and feel good about it. Also, remember that sex is exercise. I know, I know, gross pregnant people sex... Get over it. Our instructor at our labor and delivery class advised that the hormone in semen can actually help bring on labor and it can alleviate nausea caused by morning sickness. Just saying.

CONCRETE ANSWER: I continued teaching dance class two times a week until 3 weeks before my delivery. I took my dog on slow daily walks in the morning when it was not too humid. Everyday, I completed a simple 28 minute prenatal yoga video  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44fYnoSLL3c

5. Expectations

Be flexible with your expectations. It is great to be prepared and develop a birth plan, but remember to be realistic. Things will probably not go as planned. That's okay. Outline the ideal scenario for your labor, but calmly accept that your preferences are an OUTLINE.  This is crucial. I believe this is the most influential tip from the list. Work with your medical team, be vocal about your concerns, and trust the supportive team you built around you. Go with the flow.

CONCRETE ANSWER: I outlined my preferences and then I rated their importance. I thought to myself, if I had to choose either A or B which thing would I be willing to sacrifice? For me, I realized I ideally wanted to spend my early labor at home, I wanted to get an epidural for my pushing, but I wanted to avoid medical interventions like a cesarean if possible, and I knew I was willing to forgo an epidural if I was advised it would put me at a higher risk for more interventions. I valued a vaginal birth above assisted pain management. Taking the classes will allow you to learn options and rate your own preferences.

6. Energize 
Hydration, diet, and sleep will predict how you do in labor. Period. So yes, live a healthy lifestyle.

CONCRETE ANSWER: I drank upwards of 8 glasses of water a day. I completely cut caffeine out of my diet for my entire pregnancy. I craved carbs and dairy, but I forced myself to eat a lot of leafy greens and fruits. My fruit of choice was banana. Oh, and elusive sleep... I had insomnia at night, and a crazy ninja baby bouncing on my bladder, so I became a nap queen. I napped everywhere. As much as I could. The night before my delivery, some hormones kicked in and I slept from 7pm until 7am. For the record, I also only slept on my left side for the entire pregnancy. For last minute ladies, if you are close to your due date try to eat lots of high natural energy foods and really hydrate yourself for the home stretch. Don't worry I wasn't all healthy-  I also brought Ring Pops with me to the hospital! I wanted to distract myself and keep my blood sugar up and I ended up loving having them on hand. 

7. Expletives.
Because censorship never helped anything.



BONUS E!

The Epidural. 

I endorse using an epidural. There are inherent risks to using this procedure, but it is commonly practiced and relatively painless.  The trick is using the epidural at the right time. Allow your body to take you as far as you can go naturally, allowing yourself to dilate and efface, allowing the baby to move into position by changing positions/walking, and wait until  the contractions are  so close that its hard to differentiate. Then, when you are tired and the pain is peaking and its time to push...that epidural is a blessing and I would be remiss to not give it credit for assisting me. I pushed hard. My daughter was born after 8 hard pushes and I believe the epidural allowed me to throw myself into pushing without fearing the pain and holding back.

Take home Message:
I wish I could hug every pregnant girl I see and tell her its going to be okay and have her actually believe me! But, you won't. I know, I've been the pregnant girl. As the pregnant girl, I would punch hug-optimistic-me in the face. I get that. But, try to have faith that this will be a positive, empowering experience!

The first month with your Newborn- What you Actually Need

To celebrate getting through this monumental first month with our newborn,  my blog entry is dedicated to outlining our list of MUST HAVE items to survive the first 30 days. 

^Look at how GREAT we are doing!

Bassinet or infant napper

The expensive crib, that took you 3 days and 14 allen wrenches to put together, is purely decorative. If you actually get to put your baby down in the first month, she will need to be within 5 inches of you. Your new baby is obsessed with you. She may be a little demanding, but its out of love. And, your lifetime-movie-style-stalker infant needs constant reassurance that you are right by her side. 

We used the Graco pack and play. It was great because it includes a changer and the infant napper. Our little lady would not sleep on a flat surface, but on the slight incline of the napper, after some negotiations, she will (sometimes) sleep in there. The changer is great for middle of the night diaper changes. 

Baby sling 

So, you've given up on the idea of putting her down. Accepting your reality is an important step, good for you. Unless you want diesel Terry Crews biceps, you will need to give your arms a break. The sling can help you get your basic needs met. Good news for the ladies: the front carriers feel exactly like being pregnant, so you will be able to navigate your home while wearing them with ease. Gentlemen...welcome to our world. 

We tried two different slings. The baby Ktan and the Ergo baby sling. Personally, I like the ergo baby best. The ergo baby carrier is easier to get on and off when you are alone and your sleeping baby can stay in the infant insert and get placed on her back in the bassinet for a smooth transition. The baby K'tan is less bulky but our baby slumped down in it causing her breathing to become a concern.

 K'tan VS.  Ergo Baby Carrier

Infant caps

Your baby likes being warm. We have a summer baby, but we still have to bundle her up from the A.C. So, make sure you get your baby at least 2 fitted beanies to keep her little head warm.  If she instantly looks like a miniature burglar, you've purchased the right ones. If the baby is going to rob you of your sleep, your figure, and your sanity- she might as well be dressed the part.  

Sleepers

Your baby doesn't have anywhere to be. She has no job or dates. She may have a doctor appointment in there somewhere, but that's about it. So, there is no reason to buy a grip of newborn outfits for her. Her clothes need to be easy to get on and off, comfortable, and have diaper accessibility. She essentially needs a sack to poop, pee, eat, and sleep in. Luckily, these cotton potato sacks were made socially acceptable for dressing your child. A cute decoration was placed on the front and, Voila! they were labeled "sleeper gowns". 

Swaddle blankets

A lot of people will tell you about the "womb-like conditions" that will comfort your infant. These people are right. Wrap that baby like the little burrito she yearns to be. These blankets will get peed on and spit up on A LOT, so I suggest having at least 5 on hand.
<---not my baby. But, I wish it was. 

Washcloths & As many random pieces of fabric as possible

You will spend the first 30 days constantly patting the corners of a mouth, a butt, and eye boogies. At no time do you want the eye cloth to become the butt cloth. Or the butt cloth to become the mouth cloth. To avoid this, I suggest getting multiple of the same cloth. You can develop a system- for us purple are the poop cloths, blue are the burping clothes, and the washcloths are everything else. 

Oatmeal, a water cup with a straw, lanolin, and nipple shields. 

This is your artillery kit for breastfeeding. Oatmeal helps build your milk supply. Staying hydrated is extremely important to produce milk as well. You may also want to have some formula on hand to supplement prior to your milk coming in. Using formula to supplement or exclusively breastfeeding is a personal choice. The lanolin will help avoid the nipple soreness and for the love of God- have a nipple shield handy. If you happen to have a baby that doesn't latch perfectly, you may get a nipple injury. If you do get an injury, do not torture yourself. Use a shield to help the baby latch. Give your boobs a pep talk and make sure you have the next essential on the list...

Motrin & Stool softener

That's for you, mom. Post Partum is not a glamorous time in your life. You want these two items waiting for you when you come home from the hospital. Enough Said. 

Ten billion diapers. Wipes. & butt paste

Your baby is going to poop and pee more than you ever dreamed possible. Get newborn size diapers and size 1, in case you have a big baby. Also, if you're trying to estimate how many diapers you will go through in a month, estimate high. Every baby is different, but our little girl goes through about 12-15 diapers every. single. day. Pampers sells a diaper that has a moisture strip, it turns blue when the diaper gets wet. We like that. 

Car Seat

I recommend the Graco Travel System. We like that the car seat detaches from the stroller in one click  and it clicks right into your vehicle without disturbing the little one. It also has two cup holders. In case you have TWO cups of coffee. It gets me. 

  Finally, remember non scented baby soap/shampoo, baby safe detergent and dish soap, and your first aid kit (aspirator, thermometer, baby aspirin).

That wraps it up! These are the essentials we needed. Everything else...eh, its nice to have. Baby bath? You have a sink. Diaper bag? You're covered with a big purse. Binkie? You have a little finger. 

Good Luck to the upcoming & New parents out there! It's a wild 30 days, but it goes fast. So, remember to have fun. 

How to know when you have found Mr. RIGHT

I've dated...a lot. Therefore, I've broken up, a lot.  Lost relationships can often feel like a "waste of time", but each is a learning experience. In that regard, I've earned some scholarly hours and  I have a specific purpose for writing this article. I hope my experience helps someone. 

My husband and I are in a good place. We had a crazy year that included becoming homeowners, getting married, and having our first baby. Yes, in the same year. Things are settling down and we entered a period of peaceful newly wed bliss. The idea to write this came to me when I realized how happy I am today, compared to some [more chaotic] chapters of my past life. Some of the chaos was great- but a lot of it stemmed from needless stress and wasted energy over trying to "make things work" with the wrong people. First and foremost, I would like to preface this article by stating: it is important to recognize that it is not necessary to be in a relationship to be happy.  Self development and independence are nonnegotiable necessities regarding the foundations of healthy living. But, we can not ignore that finding companionship ranks high on many people's priority lists. Now, I'm not claiming to be a love-guru.   My current relationship will have its hardships and we will have to work to grow together and maintain this happiness; but I feel confident that I am with the right person and I hope I can inspire someone else to recognize "Mr. Wrong" vs. "Mr. Right". 

My first "serious" relationship started when I was a freshman in high school (because what adolescent isn't ready to take on the exciting world of romance?)

Over a decade,  as a serial monogamist, I dated some really good guys. I dated several "Mr. Rights"... for someone else, but they were decidedly not right for me. I've also frequented the romantic crossroads where I've questioned  why my seemingly good relationship felt wrong. Unfortunately, at this crossroads I tended to wander aimlessly down "Stay Together" rather than "Move On" which never turned out well for anyone.

Along with a handful of great guys, I also dated my fair share of good-god-what-the-hell-are-you-thinking Mr. Wrongs. In other words, my dating-judgement meter has not always been a reliable, well oiled machine.

 Not long after I met my husband, I had to make some pretty radical decisions to make it work. This included starting  a long distance relationship. (And by long distance I mean cross country.) I'll reiterate that my decision making did not have a spotless record for optimal outcomes. But, I felt confident.This relationship was different. It had moxy. 

Now, I'm married and I'm not just married, I'm happily married.  "Happily" being defined, most recently, by a moment last night in which this man, sincerely, told me he thinks I'm prettier than Scarlett Johansson after I had been up for two days breastfeeding our three week old daughter. He may not have the greatest vision, but that's a quality gentleman, ladies.

So how did I know?

Well, we had all the typical, healthy relationship characteristics...
Natural chemistry
Check!
Free flowing communication & laughter
Check!
Mutual respect & admiration
Check!
Shared common interests, a foundation of trust, a readiness to be faithful
Check,  Check, check...

All important things to have in a relationship...But after some deliberation, I pin pointed two factors that clued me into recognizing this was my guy.

1. Selflessness

It was 4 am on a freezing January night in Pennsylvania. Our 1 month old puppy was shuffling around the door, begging to be taken out on her leash for the 6th time. Before I could shake the sleepiness from my eyes, there was my boyfriend,  quietly finding his snow boots in the dark. I didn't have to bargain with him, he was taking care of that dog - so that he could take care of me. He sacrificed his own sleep and comfort because he didn't want me to have to do it. This is a nice gesture when you're dating, but this regard for each other becomes a CRUCIAL characteristic in a long term relationship.
I appreciate this every time he walks in the door and immediately starts helping with the baby. 

And, ladies, that not-so-considerate guy, that has other redeeming and 'awesome' qualities like being SO funny or SO good looking, will pale in comparison to the selfless guy (whom, by the way, can be a hysterical hottie- these traits are not mutually exclusive). Just imagine who you want by your side when you are sick, or lose your job, or start a family- and remember sometimes babies happen before you decide if they are for you or not- keep that in mind if you're questioning your relationship.

2. Self awareness... This isn't all about your partner.

The biggest indicator of whether you are in a great relationship is how YOU are behaving.
Do you find yourself trusting this person? Are you being trust worthy? Do you feel confident? Do you feel peaceful? Do you laugh often? Are you motivated to better yourself? Are you proud of how you are treating your significant other, as well as your friends and family? If you answered  yes to those questions, you're flourishing in a supportive,  healthy, environment. 

You should be at your best without your significant other. The relationship should do nothing but compliment your already awesome self. So, if you're with the best person for you, you will continue to be at your best. Its easy. Its obvious. But its ignored all the time by all the women who have their Mr. Wrongs shaking their heads at their "crazy" girlfriends. "Crazy" being the typical adjective used when women are demonstrating insecurity. Bottom line, if you are consistently acting in a way that makes you feel badly about yourself, you are not in a healthy situation and its time to move on. Be aware of how you feel, how you act, and what you think about. 

Self awareness is key to recognizing "Mr. Right".

 The Take Home Message: 

In my experience, if you feel like you're in a good place and your relationship is coming naturally to you, then you've become Mrs. Right. Mr. Right will notice. He will show his appreciation by demonstrating selfless regard for you. This isn't a guarantee that you're relationship will last forever, but it gives you the best odds for success. Life is about sharing happiness with others, if you're choosing to spend a significant amount of time with another person make sure its happiness you are sharing Then, it's right. 

A Postpartum message to our friends and family

Dear neglected friends and family,

I would like to express our sincerest apology for being less than first-rate hosts following the birth of our baby girl, Aurora. In regards to your texts, facebook messages, voice mails, and requests for visits, we have received them. Despite our (lack-of) reaction, we appreciate them, too. And I'm not just saying that, these interactions are our lifelines to the world.
Please allow me to explain why we may seem cold or distant.

Our baby is a breast milk-coveting tyrant.
(She's also cute.)

When she was born, she skipped the peaceful initial "sleepy phase" and jumped straight to cluster feeding**. She went from cluster feeding to drunken milk-oholic style feeding every 2 hours. On day 11, she was sane for about 24 hours (just enough time to give us a false sense of hope that we may return to the reality  in which adults can leave their own bedrooms). On day 12, she entered, what my pediatrician has assured me is, her "two week growth spurt" inspired phase of Cluster Feeding!

When she's eating, my one hand is holding her head, the other is positioning myself or holding back the dog. She also tends to get fussy and scream if I attempt to multitask during feeding, because she is a regular eyes-on-me Beyonce-level diva.

When she is sleeping, I'm usually pumping, showering, trying to find food, or passed out underneath her. I can sometimes facebook or text during this time, as long as I'm holding my breath and being stealthy.

When she isn't sleeping or eating, she is pooping or getting a bath.

Any left over moments in between, the dog needs let back in or out, or I'm trying to take pictures to create a timeline for myself, so that I don't completely lose track of what year it is.

Speaking of time, it doesn't exist. She eats every 3 hours, and feeding her takes about an hour. That means, we sleep in two hour increments. I kind of notice if its bright on the otherside of the curtains or if its dark, but that's about it.

What that means for you:
The text I received from you four days ago? In my mind, I just got that! My response to you at 4:30AM on a Tuesday is timely and appropriate.
You want to visit? We want to see you! Terribly, and we are so happy that everyone is supportive and excited to meet our daughter... but I'm topless like 90% of the time and Larry is covered in baby poop... so visits tend to get weird.

Before you start to console us by reminding us this is just temporary and it gets easier, we have a confession:
We love it. Larry and I spend more time smiling and laughing (mostly out of exhaustion) then we ever did before she was born. This is not something I can explain with logic. Aurora is just very cool. Sadistic, but cool none the less.

In conclusion,
Don't give up on us or think we don't appreciate your outreach and excitement. We do. We are told after the first 3 weeks, a schedule emerges. If that's true, I'll be so excited to get out into the world with Aurora and have more of you over to meet her. If it's not, well, prepare to get a poop-covered hand shake from my husband and an awkward eye-full of my boobs.

(I apologize if this is grammatically confusing and hard to follow- It was written in under 30 seconds whilst hiding in my basement from my daughter's keen sense of smell for milk.)

**Cluster feeding- the act of chinese-water-torture style feeding, in which your child continuously, slowly, feeds on you in fifteen to 20 minute intervals while staring at you with a sinister expression.