God Grant Me The Serenity

It happened again. I saw another flippant Facebook post from a so-called friend of my loved one, making light of and laughing about how it was only a matter of time before he 'fell off the wagon' and joined "his people" again. We are dealing with heroin here. We are referencing someone who has overdosed twice, and is struggling to stay alive, battling his addiction. His response? "LOL".

I usually write in my blog with the intention to inspire my readers, but this entry is self-motivated. I need to vent. I need to get this recurring thought out of my head, and into a space where it can be potentially shared before I throw up.  I am tired of feeling sick to my stomach from biting my tongue as I watch a disturbing trend-of-thought encompass too many of my friends and family.

This trend is the "glory story"- specifically the "glory story" attached to being "bad ass" or "legendary" when referencing the party life. I'm talking about the world of the binge drinkers, fight starters, and drug users. The circumstance that I keep finding myself in.  Where, I'm listening in horrified disgust to people compete with each other to claim the title of, what I can only guess is, Most '2nd Chances' Rewarded to Reckless Idiocy. Usually, everyone is laughing. The story teller is grinning. Their audience is laughing, and urging them on.

 I have been the story teller. I have been the gleeful audience member. But, as I got older...I have been the person calling the rehab for my loved ones. I have been the person who had to say goodbye too soon.

I'm in a position where I am affronted by this situation and its aftermath more than some people, as I am a drug & alcohol counselor by trade, ex-alcohol abuser, and family member to several active & recovering addicts.

 There is no glory in surviving your self inflicted destructive behavior. Pretending its funny helps it happen again. It enables the hazy addictive cycle to perpetuate. It leads you closer to relapse. Telling yourself you're strong for surviving a powerful drug or close-call situation is a sickness. I want to scream STOP IT! When I see this happening. But, I also know that I can not and should not control anyone but myself...even if I love them.

Just know, when you're laughing it off, someone who loves you may cry.