IS SPIRITUALITY IMPORTANT?

IS SPIRITUALITY IMPORTANT?

I do not have religion. My fiancé and I do not belong to a church, or synagogue. We are not connected to a specific doctrine. We do not have a specific community that shares the same set of beliefs. But I am decidedly spiritual and, in my own way, close to God.


I was baptized Catholic, raised a Lutheran, befriended by a Muslim, who became a 'by water not blood sister' in the 4th grade, introduced into a Jewish household by my step family that same year, and have lived my adult life reading on Buddhism & meditation practices. I've traveled extensively. I've attended Mass in Ireland, walked the Roman Vatican, admired the towers of Notre Dame, and sat within Buddhist temples in China. I am also an avid reader, fascinated by religion, history, science, and above all, people.


My college major was psychology. My internships were in family based counseling and drug addiction centers. I watched people cling to religion while they faced hardships. I watched some people heal because of it. I observed the strength it gave to people with wonder. I remember often thinking, what it must be like to truly believe in something so strongly.


For years, I absorbed religions, traditions, and cultures like a sponge. I examined the differences through the objective perspective of a scholar. I never felt a pressing need to adhere to one or banish another. If I thought a particular custom or story seemed ridiculous, I approached it with amusement and intrigue, never disgust or judgment. I did not carry the fear or pride of someone who had grown up with a strong, singular belief system. More importantly, I had never felt the need for one.


But then, my life changed. I lost someone to cancer, my grandmother, a primary caregiver in my life. In that same year, I, myself, became ill. I was hospitalized. And while in the hospital, I had time to think. I had time for depression. I had time for panic. My glittering, fair weathered, life was finally facing a storm. I had family and friends around me. I had science- my medical staff explained that with treatment, I would come out fine. But, for the first time, I needed more. My friends and family could not give me the answers to my questions. Where is my grandmother now? Why is life like this? Why am I so mortal?


And there I was. Spiritually, alone. Just my soul looking out into darkness wondering what, or who, was on the other end. I had met so many people with different paths leading them to their God. Their different traditions and holy languages muddling together like strokes of different colors creating a dark shade that I could not decipher. Who is right? To whom should I pray? Which stories do I believe?


Not knowing where to start, I prayed to the only person I could think of. My grandmother. I cried, and I prayed. And I did this for a long time.


Eventually, I prayed to God.


I felt better. I looked outside. I saw nature. I saw stars, oceans, trees, mountains, streets, animals, people, my loved ones. I saw everything all at once. And I felt a part of it. I felt peaceful. And I learned something.



It is okay not to know. It’s ok to believe that there is a grand presence protecting and leading, without giving it a name. But, it is important to let yourself believe in it. It is important to find sanctuary and strength in knowing there is MORE. It is important to develop a sense of spirituality because believing in cosmic order is the same as believing in love. It allows hope to enter your life. Without trusting there is a benevolent force guiding you, there is no hope of walking out of the storm. Hope is allowing yourself to enter suspended belief- i.e. shrugging the easy-come criticisms of "believing" to the side and letting yourself trust.


The choice isn't between abandoning science and logic to blindly and vehemently commit to religion. The choice is believing that your walking alone through random meaningless events, or believing that you are connected to a greater design. You get to pick who your god is, what your personal rules are, and what actions bring forth the feeling of spiritual comfort.


The only choice is whether or not to open the umbrella when the storm hits, or stand in the rain.