Movie Night

MOVIE NIGHT!

When you become a parent, movie night becomes both a regular thing and a fleeting thing. Yes, you are hermit-ted into your home by the inconvenience of having to transport your new bundle of joy and all of her accessories. But, No, of course you do not have the energy to stay up and watch a movie, and don't be ridiculous, the baby isn't going to remain calm and quiet for 2 consecutive hours. So, on the rare occasion, when the stars align, and you find yourself able to sit down and watch a movie as a parent, the stakes are higher. No time for  cliches and duds. Parents need cinematic genius at their finger tips. So, I've complied a list for my own reference & to help spread great movies!

Did we miss any?

Horror Films:
Se7en
Saw
The sixth sense
Psycho
Silence of the Lambs
The Shining
The Others
Beetlejuice (comedy)
Cabin in the Woods
Evil Dead & Evil Dead 2
Pet Cemetery
It
Halloween
Predator
Rosemary's Baby
Nightmare on Elm Street
DeadSilence

Comedies:
Mean Girls
Tucker & Dale vs. Evil
Dumb & Dumber
Clueless
Wedding Crashers
Hitched
Old School
HotRod
Scary Movie
Hott Fuzz
Shaun of the Dead
Naked Gun
Anchorman
Young Frankenstein
Blazing Saddles
Team America
Superbad
HangOver
40 year old Virgin
Stepbrothers
South Park
Super Troopers
Ferris Beuller's Day Off
Robinhood Men in Tights
Role Models
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Clue
There's Something about Mary
Airplane

Dramas:
Now & Then
Pulp Fiction
Forrest Gump
Schindler's List
All About Eve
Gone with the Wind
Gladiator
A Beautiful Mind
The Shawshank Redemption
Dallas Buyer's Club
Requiem for a Dream
The Pianist
The Prestige
The Godfather
One flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Dead Poet's Society
Beautiful Mind
Breakfast Club
Edward Scissorhands
Life of Pi
Avatar
The Intouchables
Big Fish
Dances with Wolves
Memoirs of a Gesha
Vertigo
Citizen Kane
Cruel Intentions
American Beauty
Goodwill Hunting
Catch me if you Can
Donny Darko
Goodfellas

Action:
Star Wars (All)
Fight Club
Indiana Jones (All)
Saving Private Ryan
Boondock Saints
Inglorious Bastards
The Matrix
Inception
The Dark Knight
Batman Begins
Batman Forever
SkyFall
The Terminator
Pirates of the Caribeann
Lord of the Rings
Now You See Me
Kill Bill (All)
Independence Day
Top Gun
ConAir
Jurassic Park

Romance:
Titanic
Casablanca
Singing in the Rain
The Notebook
Sweet Home Alabama
Flipped
West Side Story
It Happened One Night
Amelie
Ghost
The Holiday
Pretty Woman
Dirty Dancing
Crazy Stupid Love
Shakespeare in Love
Romeo and Juliet (Leo, duh)
Across the Universe
Moulin Rouge
The Philadelphia Story
Ever After
Breakfast at Tiffany's
Roman Holiday
Love Actually

Children's Films:
Milo & Otis
Hook
Casper
Jumanji
Mrs Doubtfire
Homeward Bound
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Wizard of Oz
The Secret Garden
NeverEnding Story
Princess Bride
Hocus Pocus
Harry Potter
The Sandlot
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
All Disney Animated films

Episode 1: The Gilmore Girl Challenge

Finally! I can post that I completed the first episode of season 1 gilmore girl challenge!

  

"In my pursuit of mega-fandom I want to be able to relate to my favorite show on a different level. So, episode by episode, I'm experiencing the references first hand."

Episode 1; Pilot Reference List

1. Jack Kerouac- no action necessary, I read " On the Road" about two years ago. 

Lorelai is referencing this account of an American beatnik that travels from town to town interacting with locals when she sarcastically tells a man, "You are a regular Jack Kerouac" after he says he is just traveling through on his way to Hartford.

2. Rupaul- a quick Google search, reminded me of the fabulous RuPaul. Enough said.
Rory: "RuPaul doesn't have this much make up!"

3. Macy grey- listened to the ID album

Reaction: very pleasantly surprised. I've only ever heard 'I try' in the past and thought it was catchy but nothing to write home about. The albumn was catchy, funky, really enjoyable.

Listen Below:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KuYNMzDo-cA

4. "Officer Krupke" - no action necessary, I grew up watching West Side Story and immediately imagined this grumpy officer when Lorelia made this broadway inspired comparison to Luke.
Watch Link for West Side Story "Officer Krupke"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pq28qCklEHc

5. Brittany spears- no action necessary, as I was previously a Britney enthusiast. As a child of the late 90s & early 2000s this is kind of a given. My recommedation for those of you who haven't given her a listen is to peruse her Greatest Hits. It's Britney, Bitch.
When Rory asks if she is going to be in a Britney Spears video after receiving her Chilton plaid skirt, she is referencing Britney's iconic "Hit me Baby One More Time" video & school girl look.

 

6.Mark Twain's huckleberry Finn- a re-read

Reaction: So happy I read this as an adult,  rather than assuming I could check it off the list after my mandated experience reading it (begrudgingly) in the 7th grade. I was able to drink in Twain's superior story telling ability and reflect on the progressiveness of the relationships depicted between these characters. These are characters that represent some of mankind's most shameful injustices while simultaneously highlighting our ability to overcome.

7. Zsa zsa Gabor- Google search, wiki read & a few YouTube features.

Reaction: I had previously seen this women on television without digging further. Upon closer inspection, she is as fascinating as Marilyn Monroe. A Hungarian man eater; glamorous, mega rich, 9 marriages,  beautiful, & witty, she's worth a look.

8. Ruth gordon- rosemary's baby- first time movie watch The 1968 version, of course.

"Rory: God! You're like Ruth Gordon just standing there with the tannis root. Make a noise. Dean: Rosemary's Baby. "

Reaction: I can't believe I had never watched this movie before. It's excellent. We were watching in October, Halloween weekend. Mia Farrow was great, the perfect mix of fragile, yet fighting; melodramatic, yet relateable. The story was a perfectly creepy, suspenseful, & twisting story to complete the weekend.

9. Moby Dick- Melville- first time read -

Reaction: Well, this novel is solely accountable for the long delay in completing the "Episode 1"  challenge.  This is a whale of a novel. If you had asked me half way through this novel (you know, half way,  on chapter 60-80;  after reading about 300 pages...when YOU ARE STILL ONLY HALF WAY) if I would recommend this novel; I would have grumbled some indignant insults your way. Melville includes EVERY detail about the life of a sailor & their beloved Leviathans. The hunt scenes are gory and often seemed cruel to this animal loving, middle class woman who had some trouble relating to the mindset of a 19th century whalesman; BUT after the novel was over I found myself reviewing the symbolism, pondering over the foreshadowing, & reflecting over the adventure filled epic ending. At the end of the day, I'd recommend it.

10. Madame Bovary: first time read

Reaction: This read was reminiscent of my time reading Anna Karenina. Flaubert makes jabs at the bourgeoisie class, spins webs between doomed love-triangles,  and creates a cast of less than admirable characters to tug at your heart strings & enrage your judgmental mind as they all make mistake after mistake leading to the inevitable tragic ends...Just like Tolstoy.  Emma Bovary & Anna could have been BFFs. It's an entertaining enough read, a classic, but due to the many similarities between Bovary & Karenina, if you wanted to just read one, I'd recommend Anna Karenina. Sorry Flaubert.

11. Florence Delorez Griffith Joyner- Quick Wiki read  (December 21, 1959 – September 21, 1998), also known as Flo-Jo, was an American track and field athlete. She is considered the fastest woman of all time^[2][3][4] based on the fact that the world records she set in 1988 for both the 100 m and 200 m still stand and have yet to be seriously challenged.

 Lorelia to Rory "You'll have to Turn into Flo Jo to get away from me!"

12. The little Match Girl: a short story, reread. 

Reaction: Well, a little girl freezes to death dreaming about a better life while trying to sell matches to feed her abusive family...this isn't exactly a feel good story.  

13. "Pull a Menendez" a quick wiki read clarified that when Lorelai makes this reference "but I need you to be civil at least through dinner and then on the way home you can pull a Menendez", she is suggesting Rory can kill her later. As it is a reference to Lyle & Erik Menendez, brothers who murdered their parents with shotguns. Dark, Lorelai.

14. Mommie Dearest (1981)- first time movie watched


Another clever, but dark, Lorelai reference to Rory when she is receiving the silent treatment after their fight. This memoir turned movie depicts the abusive upbringing of Christina Crawford by her movie star mother, Joan Crawford. It's a hard to watch, yet, fascinating movie; in the way driving by a high way accident is fascinating. Worth a watch, but I recommend you have something cheerful lined up afterwards to restore your faith in humanity.

15. Nick at Night- no action necessary, again as a child of the late 90s,

 'Nick at Night' the evening programming for kid network, Nickelodeon, that included classic television like 'I love Lucy', "The Brady Bunch", and 'Bewitched' was a regularly viewed staple in my household.

Lorelai to Rory: "Is he dreamy?" Rory: "that's so Nick at Night"

On to Episode 2...

The Rory Gilmore Reading Challenge

Over 300 books are referenced in my favorite show of all time, Gilmore Girls. As a girl who appreciates being 'in' on the joke, & as a literary buff, I've decided to not indulge in the Netflix marathon of a lifetime until I work through those carefully placed references: episode by episode.

Over the next few months - I'll report on the process.

The 7 E's of My Easy Labor

Pregnancy and Labor are amazingly unique experiences. But, their diversity makes preparations difficult for expecting mothers. Not being able to thoroughly prepare for something did not bode well for me. I make lists. I check things off. I micromanage. When pregnancy struck, I pulled out my neon sticky notes and bought an extra large binder. Like a overzealous journalist, I asked a lot of questions and I. wanted. answers.

Disappointment.
More often than not, my questions were met with vague, muddled, ball-parked trinkets of advice from mothers, doctors, and nurses. There were no quick and pretty, concrete answers concerning such an unpredictable force of nature.  They did their best to comfort my concerns, but responses that started with  "Sometimes...." "It's rare that..." or "You never know..." began to fall on deaf ears. I did not want to accept the emerging truth: researchers, medical professional, doulas, and experienced mothers could not predict my future.
 

Our medical community has made amazing strides in pain management and optimal outcomes regarding labor and delivery, yet  it is still beyond our complete control. Childbirth is still a formidable, raw, unbridled piece of my inherent primitive self that does not care if I meticulously put together a color-coded, "My Labor"  binder. Despite halfheartedly acknowledging this reality, my type-A personality still scanned the internet relentlessly looking for magic answers. 

Now, that I have some experience...

<---Fresh Baby!

I AM HERE TO ENABLE MY FELLOW Type A MAMAS!

I'm going to write the most egregious and pretentious article I can possibly write. 7 Tips that Gave me a 7 Hour Labor! No, that's even too ridiculous to claim after a warning paragraph. Let me try again. The 7 tips that may have contributed to making my labor a more pleasant experience and also perhaps shorter. About 7 hours to be technically accurate. 

I had a 6-7 hour, complication-free, empowering labor & delivery.

Sorry Ladies, no magic answer.

The fact that I had a quick labor verses many of my friends who suffered long labors with complications comes primarily down to luck. I did nothing "better" than these other women and they should be celebrated for having to endure a longer ordeal to welcome their little ball of happy into the world. 

That being said, I can offer some advice and I can pepper it with some concrete **kind of magical?** examples.

 I feel confident recommending my choices that stuck out as the positive "game changers" in my labor. Just keep in mind, these suggestions offer no guarantees and should never over ride suggestions from your physician.  The truth  remains that pregnancy is still largely an enigma, but I truly believe the next 7 suggestions helped my outcomes.

And I made them all start with the letter E!

1.  Empower

There are three people that need to be empowered during this process: Your medical professional, your support person, and yourself. Discuss a birth plan prior to delivery with your support person and medical professional.  Explain your expectations openly and keep a positive mindset that the team around you is there to make your experience great. Lock into your mind that you are strong and capable. Replace the fears and doubts with an iron sense of inner power. You can do this!

CONCRETE ANSWER: Develop a mantra for yourself to use during labor. Mine was, "I am strong and my body is made for this!" Teach the mantra to your support person and go over the specifics of what you expect from him or her. I told my husband, "Please don't leave my line of sight, stay calm, try to make me laugh, and keep the ice chips coming!"

2. Embrace Natural

Try to avoid medical interventions that can create an intervention snowball effect raising your risk for complications. Try to allow your body to be the leader. As women, our bodies have been developing our whole lives for this. Our reproductive system is a truly amazing thing and luckily we don't need a PhD to operate it. You will be amazed at how your body's natural autopilot will take over. Do not work against your body, flow with it. Pain and pressure are indicators that changes are happening within you that are bringing you closer to having your baby in your arms. I am an advocate for allowing your body to take its time through this process. This is not always possible if there are complications that require interventions. It is important to remember that your medical team knows best and there are many circumstances where medical interventions are necessary and vital. My suggestions are only relevant for a healthy pregnancy, outside of emergency situations. I suggest avoiding the Pitocin and inductions by implementing natural alternatives whenever possible. For example, instead of going to the hospital when I initially felt contractions, I stayed at home. I went to sleep, and then I paced around the halls. I did not go into the hospital until my water broke and I was about 4 cm dilated. When you are experiencing those contractions, it can be tempting to hurry the process along, but you want all of the changes your body is orchestrating to be in sync. When you start to introduce synthetic alternatives, your body is not keeping up.

CONCRETE ANSWER: I spent my early labor at home and used natural pain management techniques (including a jacuzzi tub in the hospital, breathing exercises, and changing positions frequently) until I was fully dilated. My first medical intervention (the epideral) was administered when I was fully dilated and ready to push!

3. Educate yourself 

How did I define my expectations? I researched my options. I wanted to know what my hospital could do for me. I wanted to know the risks of certain interventions and the options I had if scenario A, B, C, or Z occurred. Like I said, I like the preparation work. Educating yourself is important even if you aren't a list maker, like me. Most hospitals offer classes that include a tour of the hospital. Do not skip these. The classes not only teach you options and explain the procedures, they allow you to practice techniques like breathing exercises with your support person, and voice your concerns. The classes open discussions between you and your support person that you may not have otherwise considered. Education will Empower you and your partner! Not to mention, the tour of the facility allows you to visualize your labor. On the day of our delivery, I knew where I had to go, I knew how to check in, and what accommodations my room provided. I felt prepared, and therefore, I felt calm.

CONCRETE ANSWER: I took the Labor and Delivery Course at my hospital (2 hours, once a week, 6 weeks, $70.00) that included a tour. I also took Baby Care Basics (2 day, 3 hour course, $20.00) through our local Giant and Breastfeeding through the La Leche League(1 day, 4 hours, free).

4. Exercise

Stay active during your pregnancy. Exercise can promote better circulation and keep your body primed for the exhausting work out of delivering your baby. Exercise is also a stress reliever. Remember that any little thing you do will help, so take a slow walk and feel good about it. Also, remember that sex is exercise. I know, I know, gross pregnant people sex... Get over it. Our instructor at our labor and delivery class advised that the hormone in semen can actually help bring on labor and it can alleviate nausea caused by morning sickness. Just saying.

CONCRETE ANSWER: I continued teaching dance class two times a week until 3 weeks before my delivery. I took my dog on slow daily walks in the morning when it was not too humid. Everyday, I completed a simple 28 minute prenatal yoga video  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44fYnoSLL3c

5. Expectations

Be flexible with your expectations. It is great to be prepared and develop a birth plan, but remember to be realistic. Things will probably not go as planned. That's okay. Outline the ideal scenario for your labor, but calmly accept that your preferences are an OUTLINE.  This is crucial. I believe this is the most influential tip from the list. Work with your medical team, be vocal about your concerns, and trust the supportive team you built around you. Go with the flow.

CONCRETE ANSWER: I outlined my preferences and then I rated their importance. I thought to myself, if I had to choose either A or B which thing would I be willing to sacrifice? For me, I realized I ideally wanted to spend my early labor at home, I wanted to get an epidural for my pushing, but I wanted to avoid medical interventions like a cesarean if possible, and I knew I was willing to forgo an epidural if I was advised it would put me at a higher risk for more interventions. I valued a vaginal birth above assisted pain management. Taking the classes will allow you to learn options and rate your own preferences.

6. Energize 
Hydration, diet, and sleep will predict how you do in labor. Period. So yes, live a healthy lifestyle.

CONCRETE ANSWER: I drank upwards of 8 glasses of water a day. I completely cut caffeine out of my diet for my entire pregnancy. I craved carbs and dairy, but I forced myself to eat a lot of leafy greens and fruits. My fruit of choice was banana. Oh, and elusive sleep... I had insomnia at night, and a crazy ninja baby bouncing on my bladder, so I became a nap queen. I napped everywhere. As much as I could. The night before my delivery, some hormones kicked in and I slept from 7pm until 7am. For the record, I also only slept on my left side for the entire pregnancy. For last minute ladies, if you are close to your due date try to eat lots of high natural energy foods and really hydrate yourself for the home stretch. Don't worry I wasn't all healthy-  I also brought Ring Pops with me to the hospital! I wanted to distract myself and keep my blood sugar up and I ended up loving having them on hand. 

7. Expletives.
Because censorship never helped anything.



BONUS E!

The Epidural. 

I endorse using an epidural. There are inherent risks to using this procedure, but it is commonly practiced and relatively painless.  The trick is using the epidural at the right time. Allow your body to take you as far as you can go naturally, allowing yourself to dilate and efface, allowing the baby to move into position by changing positions/walking, and wait until  the contractions are  so close that its hard to differentiate. Then, when you are tired and the pain is peaking and its time to push...that epidural is a blessing and I would be remiss to not give it credit for assisting me. I pushed hard. My daughter was born after 8 hard pushes and I believe the epidural allowed me to throw myself into pushing without fearing the pain and holding back.

Take home Message:
I wish I could hug every pregnant girl I see and tell her its going to be okay and have her actually believe me! But, you won't. I know, I've been the pregnant girl. As the pregnant girl, I would punch hug-optimistic-me in the face. I get that. But, try to have faith that this will be a positive, empowering experience!

The first month with your Newborn- What you Actually Need

To celebrate getting through this monumental first month with our newborn,  my blog entry is dedicated to outlining our list of MUST HAVE items to survive the first 30 days. 

^Look at how GREAT we are doing!

Bassinet or infant napper

The expensive crib, that took you 3 days and 14 allen wrenches to put together, is purely decorative. If you actually get to put your baby down in the first month, she will need to be within 5 inches of you. Your new baby is obsessed with you. She may be a little demanding, but its out of love. And, your lifetime-movie-style-stalker infant needs constant reassurance that you are right by her side. 

We used the Graco pack and play. It was great because it includes a changer and the infant napper. Our little lady would not sleep on a flat surface, but on the slight incline of the napper, after some negotiations, she will (sometimes) sleep in there. The changer is great for middle of the night diaper changes. 

Baby sling 

So, you've given up on the idea of putting her down. Accepting your reality is an important step, good for you. Unless you want diesel Terry Crews biceps, you will need to give your arms a break. The sling can help you get your basic needs met. Good news for the ladies: the front carriers feel exactly like being pregnant, so you will be able to navigate your home while wearing them with ease. Gentlemen...welcome to our world. 

We tried two different slings. The baby Ktan and the Ergo baby sling. Personally, I like the ergo baby best. The ergo baby carrier is easier to get on and off when you are alone and your sleeping baby can stay in the infant insert and get placed on her back in the bassinet for a smooth transition. The baby K'tan is less bulky but our baby slumped down in it causing her breathing to become a concern.

 K'tan VS.  Ergo Baby Carrier

Infant caps

Your baby likes being warm. We have a summer baby, but we still have to bundle her up from the A.C. So, make sure you get your baby at least 2 fitted beanies to keep her little head warm.  If she instantly looks like a miniature burglar, you've purchased the right ones. If the baby is going to rob you of your sleep, your figure, and your sanity- she might as well be dressed the part.  

Sleepers

Your baby doesn't have anywhere to be. She has no job or dates. She may have a doctor appointment in there somewhere, but that's about it. So, there is no reason to buy a grip of newborn outfits for her. Her clothes need to be easy to get on and off, comfortable, and have diaper accessibility. She essentially needs a sack to poop, pee, eat, and sleep in. Luckily, these cotton potato sacks were made socially acceptable for dressing your child. A cute decoration was placed on the front and, Voila! they were labeled "sleeper gowns". 

Swaddle blankets

A lot of people will tell you about the "womb-like conditions" that will comfort your infant. These people are right. Wrap that baby like the little burrito she yearns to be. These blankets will get peed on and spit up on A LOT, so I suggest having at least 5 on hand.
<---not my baby. But, I wish it was. 

Washcloths & As many random pieces of fabric as possible

You will spend the first 30 days constantly patting the corners of a mouth, a butt, and eye boogies. At no time do you want the eye cloth to become the butt cloth. Or the butt cloth to become the mouth cloth. To avoid this, I suggest getting multiple of the same cloth. You can develop a system- for us purple are the poop cloths, blue are the burping clothes, and the washcloths are everything else. 

Oatmeal, a water cup with a straw, lanolin, and nipple shields. 

This is your artillery kit for breastfeeding. Oatmeal helps build your milk supply. Staying hydrated is extremely important to produce milk as well. You may also want to have some formula on hand to supplement prior to your milk coming in. Using formula to supplement or exclusively breastfeeding is a personal choice. The lanolin will help avoid the nipple soreness and for the love of God- have a nipple shield handy. If you happen to have a baby that doesn't latch perfectly, you may get a nipple injury. If you do get an injury, do not torture yourself. Use a shield to help the baby latch. Give your boobs a pep talk and make sure you have the next essential on the list...

Motrin & Stool softener

That's for you, mom. Post Partum is not a glamorous time in your life. You want these two items waiting for you when you come home from the hospital. Enough Said. 

Ten billion diapers. Wipes. & butt paste

Your baby is going to poop and pee more than you ever dreamed possible. Get newborn size diapers and size 1, in case you have a big baby. Also, if you're trying to estimate how many diapers you will go through in a month, estimate high. Every baby is different, but our little girl goes through about 12-15 diapers every. single. day. Pampers sells a diaper that has a moisture strip, it turns blue when the diaper gets wet. We like that. 

Car Seat

I recommend the Graco Travel System. We like that the car seat detaches from the stroller in one click  and it clicks right into your vehicle without disturbing the little one. It also has two cup holders. In case you have TWO cups of coffee. It gets me. 

  Finally, remember non scented baby soap/shampoo, baby safe detergent and dish soap, and your first aid kit (aspirator, thermometer, baby aspirin).

That wraps it up! These are the essentials we needed. Everything else...eh, its nice to have. Baby bath? You have a sink. Diaper bag? You're covered with a big purse. Binkie? You have a little finger. 

Good Luck to the upcoming & New parents out there! It's a wild 30 days, but it goes fast. So, remember to have fun. 

How to know when you have found Mr. RIGHT

I've dated...a lot. Therefore, I've broken up, a lot.  Lost relationships can often feel like a "waste of time", but each is a learning experience. In that regard, I've earned some scholarly hours and  I have a specific purpose for writing this article. I hope my experience helps someone. 

My husband and I are in a good place. We had a crazy year that included becoming homeowners, getting married, and having our first baby. Yes, in the same year. Things are settling down and we entered a period of peaceful newly wed bliss. The idea to write this came to me when I realized how happy I am today, compared to some [more chaotic] chapters of my past life. Some of the chaos was great- but a lot of it stemmed from needless stress and wasted energy over trying to "make things work" with the wrong people. First and foremost, I would like to preface this article by stating: it is important to recognize that it is not necessary to be in a relationship to be happy.  Self development and independence are nonnegotiable necessities regarding the foundations of healthy living. But, we can not ignore that finding companionship ranks high on many people's priority lists. Now, I'm not claiming to be a love-guru.   My current relationship will have its hardships and we will have to work to grow together and maintain this happiness; but I feel confident that I am with the right person and I hope I can inspire someone else to recognize "Mr. Wrong" vs. "Mr. Right". 

My first "serious" relationship started when I was a freshman in high school (because what adolescent isn't ready to take on the exciting world of romance?)

Over a decade,  as a serial monogamist, I dated some really good guys. I dated several "Mr. Rights"... for someone else, but they were decidedly not right for me. I've also frequented the romantic crossroads where I've questioned  why my seemingly good relationship felt wrong. Unfortunately, at this crossroads I tended to wander aimlessly down "Stay Together" rather than "Move On" which never turned out well for anyone.

Along with a handful of great guys, I also dated my fair share of good-god-what-the-hell-are-you-thinking Mr. Wrongs. In other words, my dating-judgement meter has not always been a reliable, well oiled machine.

 Not long after I met my husband, I had to make some pretty radical decisions to make it work. This included starting  a long distance relationship. (And by long distance I mean cross country.) I'll reiterate that my decision making did not have a spotless record for optimal outcomes. But, I felt confident.This relationship was different. It had moxy. 

Now, I'm married and I'm not just married, I'm happily married.  "Happily" being defined, most recently, by a moment last night in which this man, sincerely, told me he thinks I'm prettier than Scarlett Johansson after I had been up for two days breastfeeding our three week old daughter. He may not have the greatest vision, but that's a quality gentleman, ladies.

So how did I know?

Well, we had all the typical, healthy relationship characteristics...
Natural chemistry
Check!
Free flowing communication & laughter
Check!
Mutual respect & admiration
Check!
Shared common interests, a foundation of trust, a readiness to be faithful
Check,  Check, check...

All important things to have in a relationship...But after some deliberation, I pin pointed two factors that clued me into recognizing this was my guy.

1. Selflessness

It was 4 am on a freezing January night in Pennsylvania. Our 1 month old puppy was shuffling around the door, begging to be taken out on her leash for the 6th time. Before I could shake the sleepiness from my eyes, there was my boyfriend,  quietly finding his snow boots in the dark. I didn't have to bargain with him, he was taking care of that dog - so that he could take care of me. He sacrificed his own sleep and comfort because he didn't want me to have to do it. This is a nice gesture when you're dating, but this regard for each other becomes a CRUCIAL characteristic in a long term relationship.
I appreciate this every time he walks in the door and immediately starts helping with the baby. 

And, ladies, that not-so-considerate guy, that has other redeeming and 'awesome' qualities like being SO funny or SO good looking, will pale in comparison to the selfless guy (whom, by the way, can be a hysterical hottie- these traits are not mutually exclusive). Just imagine who you want by your side when you are sick, or lose your job, or start a family- and remember sometimes babies happen before you decide if they are for you or not- keep that in mind if you're questioning your relationship.

2. Self awareness... This isn't all about your partner.

The biggest indicator of whether you are in a great relationship is how YOU are behaving.
Do you find yourself trusting this person? Are you being trust worthy? Do you feel confident? Do you feel peaceful? Do you laugh often? Are you motivated to better yourself? Are you proud of how you are treating your significant other, as well as your friends and family? If you answered  yes to those questions, you're flourishing in a supportive,  healthy, environment. 

You should be at your best without your significant other. The relationship should do nothing but compliment your already awesome self. So, if you're with the best person for you, you will continue to be at your best. Its easy. Its obvious. But its ignored all the time by all the women who have their Mr. Wrongs shaking their heads at their "crazy" girlfriends. "Crazy" being the typical adjective used when women are demonstrating insecurity. Bottom line, if you are consistently acting in a way that makes you feel badly about yourself, you are not in a healthy situation and its time to move on. Be aware of how you feel, how you act, and what you think about. 

Self awareness is key to recognizing "Mr. Right".

 The Take Home Message: 

In my experience, if you feel like you're in a good place and your relationship is coming naturally to you, then you've become Mrs. Right. Mr. Right will notice. He will show his appreciation by demonstrating selfless regard for you. This isn't a guarantee that you're relationship will last forever, but it gives you the best odds for success. Life is about sharing happiness with others, if you're choosing to spend a significant amount of time with another person make sure its happiness you are sharing Then, it's right. 

A Postpartum message to our friends and family

Dear neglected friends and family,

I would like to express our sincerest apology for being less than first-rate hosts following the birth of our baby girl, Aurora. In regards to your texts, facebook messages, voice mails, and requests for visits, we have received them. Despite our (lack-of) reaction, we appreciate them, too. And I'm not just saying that, these interactions are our lifelines to the world.
Please allow me to explain why we may seem cold or distant.

Our baby is a breast milk-coveting tyrant.
(She's also cute.)

When she was born, she skipped the peaceful initial "sleepy phase" and jumped straight to cluster feeding**. She went from cluster feeding to drunken milk-oholic style feeding every 2 hours. On day 11, she was sane for about 24 hours (just enough time to give us a false sense of hope that we may return to the reality  in which adults can leave their own bedrooms). On day 12, she entered, what my pediatrician has assured me is, her "two week growth spurt" inspired phase of Cluster Feeding!

When she's eating, my one hand is holding her head, the other is positioning myself or holding back the dog. She also tends to get fussy and scream if I attempt to multitask during feeding, because she is a regular eyes-on-me Beyonce-level diva.

When she is sleeping, I'm usually pumping, showering, trying to find food, or passed out underneath her. I can sometimes facebook or text during this time, as long as I'm holding my breath and being stealthy.

When she isn't sleeping or eating, she is pooping or getting a bath.

Any left over moments in between, the dog needs let back in or out, or I'm trying to take pictures to create a timeline for myself, so that I don't completely lose track of what year it is.

Speaking of time, it doesn't exist. She eats every 3 hours, and feeding her takes about an hour. That means, we sleep in two hour increments. I kind of notice if its bright on the otherside of the curtains or if its dark, but that's about it.

What that means for you:
The text I received from you four days ago? In my mind, I just got that! My response to you at 4:30AM on a Tuesday is timely and appropriate.
You want to visit? We want to see you! Terribly, and we are so happy that everyone is supportive and excited to meet our daughter... but I'm topless like 90% of the time and Larry is covered in baby poop... so visits tend to get weird.

Before you start to console us by reminding us this is just temporary and it gets easier, we have a confession:
We love it. Larry and I spend more time smiling and laughing (mostly out of exhaustion) then we ever did before she was born. This is not something I can explain with logic. Aurora is just very cool. Sadistic, but cool none the less.

In conclusion,
Don't give up on us or think we don't appreciate your outreach and excitement. We do. We are told after the first 3 weeks, a schedule emerges. If that's true, I'll be so excited to get out into the world with Aurora and have more of you over to meet her. If it's not, well, prepare to get a poop-covered hand shake from my husband and an awkward eye-full of my boobs.

(I apologize if this is grammatically confusing and hard to follow- It was written in under 30 seconds whilst hiding in my basement from my daughter's keen sense of smell for milk.)

**Cluster feeding- the act of chinese-water-torture style feeding, in which your child continuously, slowly, feeds on you in fifteen to 20 minute intervals while staring at you with a sinister expression.

To doula or not to doula?

With our due date fast approaching,  5 days to be exact, it's time to make the final decisions regarding my labor experience.

We have taken the birth preparation classes and watched the educational documentaries trying to decide our best course of action. It became apparent that above all else I want a safe delivery with as little medical intervention as possible.

Having a natural birth is the most appealing option, but as a first time mom (with my own minor medical complications) I want to have a hospital team available to me at a moment's notice.

So, do I add a doula to the team?

Pros:
I have a condition called vaso dysautonomia that affects my circulation and causes me to have sudden low blood pressure  and fainting spells. A drop in blood pressure can be cause for an emergency c-section. If I have a doula she could be an advocate for me, if the situation occurs, she could let me know if we are truly in an emergency situation or if I have more time to attempt to do things naturally. she can speak directly to the doctor on my behalf.

She can help me feel focused and provide pain management techniques.

She can assist in helping my husband be as supportive as possible and also give him freedom by stepping in when needed.

My mother advised she feels ok about not being in the delivery room if we have a coach (max 2 ppl limit)

Cons:
The cost.

Redundancy in her role vs the midwives that are provided by the hospital.

Effectiveness: she is a stranger to me and I may not respond to her positively when in the throws of labor.

Does anyone have experience with doulas?

Pro-Tip: Mason Jar Salad

PRO- TIP!

My hectic schedule pushes me to find quick and easy, to-go, solutions for healthy eating. One of my favorite finds is the Mason-Jar Salad.

This healthy lunch is easy and extremely portable. 

Step 1: Chop up your salad ingredients. Any ingredients you desire for your own favorite salad combo.

Step 2: Add ingredients to mason jar. Remember to place the dressing at the bottom, separate it from your greens by adding shredded cheese or shredded carrots, and then layer your lettuce at the top to keep everything crunchy. 

Step 3: When you are ready for lunch, Shake Hard (with the lid still on of course) and eat! 

I've found you can make these about 3 days in advance and still have a fresh salad waiting for you as long as you have layered properly. We make a few on Sunday evening and have them ready to grab during the week. 

Alcoholism: A perspective from a Chemical Dependency Counselor, and long-time drinker.

Drugs are great! Until they aren't anymore. Then, they are horrific and you must discontinue using them immediately. 

That statement crossed my lips at least once a week, while I tried to calm the nerves of a client during an initial evaluation in my office.  The initial evaluation is administered when someone is trying to determine if clinically they are a drug addict or alcoholic. The results of that evaluation are usually 'yes, addiction is present', mostly because not many people came through my door unless they were aware, on some level, of an addiction. 

The qualm most people had with this diagnosis is acknowledging addiction is accepting that you are not in control of your disease; i.e. there is no amount of fanagling you can do to safely continue using. Most people that are seeking help for addiction still want to believe they have just "gotten a little out of control" but once they get treatment and are back in control, they can use again-safely. Unfortunately, that's not how addiction works.  Once addicted, never safe. And you can't substitute one substance for another, insert this conversation: 

That being said, I am going to focus on alcoholism specifically in this article.

So let's address some of the common questions that cross my desk:

1. So why is alcohol even legal if its so addictive and dangerous?

 Because: Drugs are great! (and yes alcohol is a drug). Until they aren't.  Yes, some people become addicted, drinking leads to many health issues and contributes to crime, and accidents. BUT, it is also a multi-billion industry that is entrenched in our culture and for some people...is just fun. Alcohol, in and of itself, is not addictive- for everyone. In fact, one of the initial warning signs of  alcoholism is a person who feels a strong urge to binge drink and continue drinking following that first drink. The reason is, simply, because alcoholism is based on a genetic predisposition. Hence, why it is viewed as a disease. There is a chemical difference between people who become alcoholics and people who do not. People who are predisposed to alcoholism will react to alcohol differently and indulge in it frequently enough to develop a physical addiction. People who do not have that predisposition are very unlikely to drink enough to ever become physically addicted. Picture smoking a cigarette- the first time you take a puff, you cough, the chemicals are in your system, but you're not hooked- it is not until you have had a few cigarettes that a physical addiction occurs and you feel the withdraw symptoms that make you crave another. Having a drink is the same. Alcoholism occurs in stages and the physical addiction is not present in the early stage. It is not until a larger quantity of alcohol is introduced to your system, over a prolonged period of time that you will actually have physical withdrawal symptoms. Craving the euphoric rush? For an alcoholic, that can happen after the first drink. 

For more information regarding the chemical predisposition for alcoholism: a great read is "Beyond the Influence, Understanding and defeating Alcoholism" By: Katherine Ketcham

2. I  have some issues with alcohol, but I am a high functioning person! I'm not an alcoholic because I don't need to hide bottles around my house and drink all day. So how can I be an alcoholic?

Unfortunately, I hear that a lot. Despite research that proves that alcoholism is a genetic predisposition (aka you are born with it) many people still carry the shield of the stereotypical  late stage alcoholic as their justification that they "aren't that bad" and therefore, can compare out and dismiss their own issues. In early stage alcoholism, a person is usually still enjoying the party. He may have a high tolerance, be able to re cooperate quickly from drinking, maybe drinking has led to an underage or even DUI, but that might be the only consequence he has experienced at this point. It is very hard to see the problem that drinking may become because, for an alcoholic, the buzz is an amazing feeling and it is almost impossible to imagine this thing in your life that makes you feel so good, will be the same thing that destroys you. The goal of current clinicians in the chemical dependency field is to identify the disease before a person becomes a late stage alcoholic. 

3. ...Am I an alcoholic?

Well, let's start by providing a copy and paste of the definition of clinical alcohol abuse and dependence from the DSM-IV (the diagnosis guide used by clinicians):

Appendix B: DSM-IV-TR Diagnostic Criteria for Alcohol Abuse and Dependence

Go to:

ALCOHOL ABUSE

(A) A maladaptive pattern of drinking, leading to clinically significant impairment or distress, as manifested by at least one of the following occurring within a 12-month period:

• Recurrent use of alcohol resulting in a failure to fulfill major role obligations at work, school, or home (e.g., repeated absences or poor work performance related to alcohol use; alcohol-related absences, suspensions, or expulsions from school; neglect of children or household)
• Recurrent alcohol use in situations in which it is physically hazardous (e.g., driving an automobile or operating a machine when impaired by alcohol use)
• Recurrent alcohol-related legal problems (e.g., arrests for alcohol-related disorderly conduct)
• Continued alcohol use despite having persistent or recurrent social or interpersonal problems caused or exacerbated by the effects of alcohol (e.g., arguments with spouse about consequences of intoxication).

(B) Never met criteria for alcohol dependence.

Go to:

ALCOHOL DEPENDENCE

(A) A maladaptive pattern of drinking, leading to clinically significant impairment or distress, as manifested by three or more of the following occurring at any time in the same 12-month period:

• Need for markedly increased amounts of alcohol to achieve intoxication or desired effect; or markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of alcohol
• The characteristic withdrawal syndrome for alcohol; or drinking (or using a closely related substance) to relieve or avoid withdrawal symptoms
• Drinking in larger amounts or over a longer period than intended.
• Persistent desire or one or more unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control drinking
• Important social, occupational, or recreational activities given up or reduced because of drinking
• A great deal of time spent in activities necessary to obtain, to use, or to recover from the effects of drinking
• Continued drinking despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent physical or psychological problem that is likely to be caused or exacerbated by drinking.

(B) No duration criterion separately specified, but several dependence criteria must occur repeatedly as specified by duration qualifiers associated with criteria (e.g., “persistent,” “continued”).

Source: Adapted from American Psychiatric Association (APA). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th Edition, Text Revision. Washington, DC: APA, 2000.

Now, that definition decoded: Ask yourself these 10 questions:

1. Are you unable to stop drinking after having 2-3 drinks?

2. Does your family have a history of alcoholism?

3. Has your health been effected by your drinking? Has your physician advised you cut back?

4. Have you encountered any legal issues due to drinking or drug use?

5. Do you find it hard to control your mood, frequently feeling irritable or frustrated?

6. Have your family members or friends questioned you regarding your drinking habits?

7. Have you ever been involved in a car accident due to drinking?

8. Have you blacked out from drinking or drug use?

9. Have you ever become hostile, belligerent, or been involved in a physical fight while intoxicated?

10. Are you preoccupied with drinking (i.e. is drinking present at all or almost all of your social activities, do you find yourself thinking about happy hour, or the next time you will be able to have a drink when not drinking)?

If you answered yes to more than 3 of these questions OR if you feel that you may have a problem controlling your drinking or drug use, contact a local provider to get an evaluation. 

Remember, addiction is a disease- it's not something to be ashamed of or stigmatized by. If a person has  diabetes and eats poorly, doesn't monitor his blood sugar, and ignores his symptoms; yes, he  is responsible for the decision he made to further the deterioration of his health BUT he is not a bad person for being a diabetic. It is not his fault that he has a medical issue; it is just his responsibility to take action to better his lifestyle and health. Alcoholism is the same. 

Becoming effecient

How to make it all happen?

We are all extremely busy trying to stay on top things in our regular lives, when you add in big life events- it's easy to feel overwhelmed. The answer to finding balance in your day to day is to treat your life as your business and your body like a machine.

Life as a business: 

If you don't show up for work? You get fired. If you don't complete your duties? You get fired. What is the benefit of the consequence? It creates accountability. Your mind set should be:  Be your own boss. Take your life seriously, your worth it. But, how do you know what to do at work and when to show up? You have a schedule, you've outlined your duties, you've asked others to train you, you did research, and you know your budget. Those concepts need to follow you home.

Your body the machine: 

What happens when you neglect a car engine? It breaks down. An engine needs the right care just like your body. You need to consider what would happen if you poured poor quality oil into your engine, the same effect is true when you consume terrible food. When you overwork a machine it overheats and when you leave it idle it rusts. Sleep, exercise, and eating what your body needs- it will keep your body in tip top shape.



1. Create a schedule.

2.  Become Accountable for your actions.

3. Prioritize your to-do list based on a time line.

4. Schedule in extra time for things to go wrong and unexpected needs.

5.  Do it right the first time. Don't cut corners, don't procrastinate, and don't stop until the job is done.

6.  Delegate and ask for help! It takes a village.

7. Have confidence in yourself. Don't second guess your decisions. Remember if you make a mistake, that's ok. It's ok to laugh and learn. Hesitation won't make your decision better or worse, information will. If you really don't feel comfortable making a choice; do more research and refer back to tip #6. 

8. Prioritize sleep. 

9. Eat lots of fiber and leafy greens. 

10. Make a note of how often youre laughing and make sure it happens daily. 

Hello Blog! How you've been neglected... I failed at my daily writing goal miserably last month. Trying to balance working full time, wedding planning, pregnancy, and house hunting consumed way more time than I had. Finally, I have gotten through the busiest time and notified my employer that I would be stepping down to become a full-time mommy for a while. Luckily for me, we are going to make that happen  even earlier than necessary so I can focus on all of our life events! 

My mission statement:

I am going to become as savvy as possible on DIY homeownership. 

Cooking, healthy on a budget. 

Tips for saving money. 

Motherhood in general. 

Finding Balance with my relationship, health, spirituality, and daily living. 

& for the month of March- the focus will be on bringing this wedding to fruition! 

The blog posts will be a little all over the place because, that's how our life is these days!