When I found out that I was expecting my baby, it was a big surprise. We were already planning our wedding. The snuggly fitted to the hip, size 6, dress was purchased and everything. And I was only a few weeks into a brand new job. This was not just any job either. It was the first time I was able to land the exact position for which I had gone to college.
Talk about mixed emotions. I wanted to be a mom... someday. I just didn't know someday would turn out to be this upcoming June.
I walked into work with a new anchor around my neck. I wondered how to excitedly commit to my new training (which would take several months) knowing my time with the company was on a ticking countdown. The big decision always weighing in my mind: when do I tell them.
First, I asked for advice. I asked my doctor, my family, my husband, my friends... and everyone had different answers.
"Don't tell them until you're out of the first trimester, what if you miscarry?"
"Don't tell them at all, it's none of their business. If they treat you differently sue!"
"Tell them right away! If you don't your misleading them and that's not ethical. "
My mind was spinning.
My doctor had advised waiting until the end of the first trimester, so I decided to start there. That gave me over a month at the job, maybe it would be easier then.
Well, next week is the second trimester and the decision isn't easier. I'm also not showing yet, making the temptation to keep the secret even stronger. But, I'm not a secret kind of girl. I wear it all in my sleeve. And I'm ready to spill the beans.
I weighed the consequences. I'm not FMLA protected because of the small size of the company & my limited time there. Potentially I could be fired in the spot for not being able to perform the duties of the job. But, I got through first trimester's exhaustion & daily nausea without asking for any accommodations- would that count for something? I couldn't know for sure.
Then the real root of why I was so unsettled about this decision started to become clear to me. Why did I feel like a criminal? Why did I feel like I had let these people down? I'm a grown woman, with a wonderfully loving and supportive husband, experiencing being pregnant with our first child. This moment in time should be celebrated, not admonished. So why in a corporate setting is there so much pressure to deny your personal needs? The answer is within the structure of our working system. Employers want competitive employees. They want people that put the job first. But when you prioritize the job what goes on the back burner? Your family? Your health?
I'm a counselor. Everyday I tell people to advocate for themselves. I urge people to identify their needs and prioritize their well being. And I'm not going to be a hypocrite anymore.
Today, I'm going to tell my boss that I'm expecting. I'll advise that I am willing to work up to the month of my due date, and I would like to return to the position if possible after I've adjusted to our baby's arrival. Most importantly, I'm delivering this news with pride. I'm a woman, I've received an education, I work very hard, and I'm starting a family- I shouldn't be ashamed of that.
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