Doors

Pregnancy is a wild ride. Its filled with excitement, worries, body changes, and hormones. During the highs and lows of my own first trimester's emotional rollercoaster, I found myself searching for a way to cope with my sudden internal instability. I found solice in writing short stories during my lows (which my fellow expectant ladies can understand, can be extremely low). Being pregnant is difficult. I've forgiven myself for feeling less than zealous about my condition. Yes, my baby is a blessing. My husband is wonderful and I'm very fortunate to be in the situation that I'm in. Yes, I'm excited to be a mom and I will love my baby fully, but motherhood is not the only role I've filled. I've been an  education-centered, career-centered, self-centered, adventurer for 26 years and changing my priorities does not happen overnight -or without fear. That fear lead me to write 'doors', its an exaggeration of the trapped feeling that bubbled up as I cancelled our travel plans, and notified my career that I would have to put it on hold for maternity leave. 'Doors' captured my fear. It put it on paper, rather than allowing it to circle my mind. It gave me peace.

If there are other pregnant women feeling guilty about not always feeling maternal and joyful, you're not alone. Pregnancy is the long, uphill, walk to the paradise which is holding your child for the first time. We all have faith that it will be well worth it, but naturally we notice the blisters along the way.

Doors

I use to run, wild. I had a thousand doors around me, all unlocked, with enticing booming sounds beckoning me to explore where they lead. I opened so many of those doors. Sometimes I became lost. But other times i stumbled across living that can only be described as magic. Each day transforming faces of strangers into loved ones, foreign places becoming my sacred ground.  I lived so fully. Perhaps too fully... maybe we are only meant to see so much before the doors begin to rust, binding themselves shut, so that entry is difficult, if not impossible.

I circled the world, & then quite suddenly, without deliberation,  I traded in my traveling shoes. I did it for love. A noble, logical reason to hang your hat. But, I am a woman and love carries heavier choices for us.

Just the act of being in love, firmly shuts & locks a few doors to the new suitors and the novelties they provide. That was no bother. He loved me truly. I no longer needed the compliments of strangers to see my value when I looked upon his face.

But, then there was a child. More doors slammed quickly shut.

My love became my husband. A formal, heavy contract now binds us,  in case the love itself is not ever lasting.

My body is no longer my own. Every aspect of it now lends to the child. The accomodations and limitations are endless.

It's been decided, to be a proper mother, I should not return to work for a period of time. Tightening our budget, and 'changing our lifestyle'. More doors latch closed.

With out my own money, without my own body, I am expected to live for the family I created, transforming myself into the matriarch of our home.

But,  I was once a bird. I flew to the corners of the world upon my own whimsy. I opened the doors to Asia & Europe. I let the sun kiss my skin and the rain dampen my head, without the shade of a stable home. As doors close, they become the walls of my new house. And I sit safely inside.

Even the most powerful animals, great bears and tigers, seem docile and muted behind the bars of a zoo. For their comforts, they trade their spirits. Sadly, many would never be able to survive if they were released.

How long will it take? Before I forget how to fly? *

5 simple rules to living among the Human Race

Learning to deal with difficult people is a basic function that is crucial to living a less stressful life. Here's 5 rules to keep in mind when navigating your relationships:

1. It is never your place to change someone. 

This rule is as hard to swallow as it is important. If you are not a parent, you have one job & that job is self preservation. It is fantastic to teach others. It is fulfilling and beautiful when you can inspire others. But, the impact you may have on people around you is THEIR choice, not yours. We naturally want the people around us to agree with our standards but, there are many different ways to live. A great weight is lifted from your shoulders the moment you decide to accept others as they are. We cannot control when or if change will occur in a person.  Living as an example to others, is the greatest way to become a catalyst for change. Accept their differences, learn from them, allow them to experience your lifestyle and allow them to choose. It's not your loss if they do not change, because it was never your responsibility to change them in the first place.

2. It is okay to walk away.

You don't have to live in a toxic environment. Many people believe that history or family ties obligate them to remain loyal to someone, regardless of how that person is treating them. There should be a standard for how someone can treat you. That standard should be high. If someone is mistreating you,  you have the an obligation to remove yourself from that situation. You can love someone and recognize that it is not healthy to have him or her in your life. Allowing someone to use you as a punching bag is not helping him/her & it's wasting time that could be spent with people who allow you to feel your best. Walking away does not have to mean forever. It does not have to mean making an enemy. Separating can be peaceful, and graceful. Live with an open heart and a keen eye. If you see people in a realistic way, you can judge when they have earned the right to be apart of your life.

3. You're self worth is not measured by the opinions of others.

For every person that dismisses you, there is another who would love you as you are. At the end of the day, your self worth stems from an internal barometer. You, alone, know if you're living a life that is true to your personal metrics of success. Don't expect everyone to understand you or accept you. Embrace and celebrate those who do, and forgive those who don't.

4. Your reaction  is a choice.

When dealing with difficult people, we naturally react in a defensive way. It's easy to think to yourself, what is wrong with this person or why is this person putting me in this situation? Rarely do we stop and think to ourselves, how can I change or control this situation? The cliche 'when you point  a finger at someone the rest of your fingers point back at you' holds true. Absorbing the negativity of others is a choice. Are you projecting any negative emotions onto this person? Are you choosing to keep in touch with a person who continually brings you down? Are you allowing jealousy, insecurities, or condescension to dictate your interaction? Can you react to this situation with humor or compromise? People are complex, but living amongst them is simple. Learn to control your reaction.

5. Live by the Golden Rule. 

If you're really living by the four other rules I've described than your standard for how others treat you is pretty high. The Golden Rule states do unto others as you wish they do unto you. If you're going to hold others at a high standard, expect to treat them as your equal. Respect, accept, and celebrate all the people that share all your best moments!

Unplugged Part II

Ah, my week of being unplugged is over! And to be fair, that week actually ended yesterday prior to my friend's going away party. I was helping host and made the executive decision that I had to plug in early. Lessons learned...


Benefits of being unplugged.

I generally have been in a better mood. I feel more content with my day and I equate that feeling of general satisfaction with the fact that I have not been comparing my life to everyone else. Even though  it's not on a conscious level, every time I surf the social media I am comparing myself to others. Other friends, other family, even celebrities, everyone. I tell myself that I use social media to share with my friends, but usually I'm just a socially accepted peeping-tom. Creeping along, reading the intimate details of acquaintances' days and wondering if my day is measuring up.

Sharing is also wearing on your mood. Every time we put something out there on the internet, there is a part of us that is waiting for feedback. Now, sometimes positive feedback is rewarding, but on some level I think we each know that if we needed someone else to approve of whatever we put out there- we were showing some insecurity.

I had more energy. Even though it feels like mindless  scrolling- reading, all day, and processing all that bullshit, takes energy.

Lesson 1: Constant access to social media is draining.

I am more in tune with the people around me. I felt like I woke up. I saw Larry, my fiancé. I noticed that he was tired from running errands all day and needed to feel appreciated. I could hear it in his voice. I stopped in that moment, and did not ask for help while putting away laundry; instead I thanked him. I wondered, if I had been distracted by texting or Facebook, while I walked through the door- would I have noticed the subtleties that made me treat a loved one better.

I focused on each task more diligently. I did not feel interrupted by emails, texts, or calls. I felt like I was in control of my time.

I found myself singing loudly in the car. Usually while I drive, I go hands-free phone calling and catch up with all the people that I think I NEED to catch up with... Guess those calls weren't as urgent as I thought. No one died and I sang like Mariah Carey.

My life felt less dramatic. I was slowed down. I couldn't treat everything as a demanding need. It had to wait until I got home. And nothing was urgent.

I made better decisions because I had more time to think about if I really should say that....when I saw the person...and then had to say it in person.

I had to become more organized about my day because I had no choice. Larry took my car in for an inspection. He told me he would pick me up at 5pm and take me home so I could get to a dance class I teach at 7pm. That was the plan when I left for work that morning, and that was the plan. period. No making excuses for staying longer at work, or wanting to grab lunch because no phone!

Lesson 2: Don't let your virtual life control your time.


Drawbacks of being unplugged.

Concern 1: The rest of the world is plugged in.

I sincerely missed texting my fiancé and friends. Being unplugged made my texts more purposeful and sacred. The delayed gratification of having access to my loved ones, made me appreciate them more. But, the drawback of the delay was timing.

My friends were not amused. I got several angry texts that they were trying to reach me. When I told them I'm not carrying my cell, I got some resistance. I was inconveniencing them. I was missing out on a couple invites, and I was missing my reach outs.

Concern 2: Safety

Walking to my car at night became a little more intense. I did not like not having a life line and also, when my car was parked in a dark parking lot, I suddenly realized I did not have a flashlight.

I got into a fender bender yesterday. Luckily, I had my phone. I took the photos I needed from the scene, and took a photo of the information I will need to report the accident. In this case I had a driveable vehicle, but if it had not been, I would have been walking to find a phone. In the wrong neighborhood, or at night, that could have been a bad situation.

Concern 3: Convenience.

I do not know where anything is located. I realized my pathetic dependency on GPS. Going anywhere new had to be planned and with out GPS, I also could not avoid heavy traffic.

I had to just guess the business hours when running errands.

No call ahead to restaurants.

Forgot to tell someone something? Too bad. Had to wait until I saw them again.



The Take Home Lesson:

Technology evolves based on need, and yes, you are at a disadvantage in today's world if you decide to live completely unplugged. However, there is a time and place to be plugged in. It comes down to basic manners and common sense. Don't have a cell phone on at work. Don't have a cell phone on when you've arrived at your destination with friends or family- once you've sat down with the people that deserve your time, the phone goes off. Turn your phone off during times that require your full attention. But, a phone is needed on the go. A phone becomes most important during the days transitions and planning. The best way to use your phone is with purpose. Call someone. Text someone. Look something up when you need to. Throw away the idea that your phone is your filler, or your go to for entertainment.`



Tips on becoming unplugged:
1. The Silent Mode on your phone is no longer an option. The phone must stay on loud at all times. Less texting, because the sound is annoying. And your phone can not be in inappropriate places like work, dinner, or the movies- all places that you shouldn't be on your cell.
2. Organize yourself so that you don't need to rely on your phone. If you know your going to a new place, print out the directions. Remember 2005? You're about to live it all over again.

Part I- Unplugged

12 facebook checks.

23 text messages.

17 likes on instagram.

2 retweets.

1 photogrid

6 chive albums.

4 pictures pinned.

3 youtube videos.

1 huffington post article.

This was my online activity for one hour. During a work shift. These distractions filled approximately 20 minutes of that hour. 20 minutes that could have been focused onto activities that aren't completely fillers.

What is all this plugged in time doing to me? Well, for one its causing my work ethic and focus to deteriorate. I was tallying this activity for this article. I was worried that it would not be accurate because I was self-aware, but to my (disconcerting) surprise I was finding myself reaching for my phone, on autopilot every few minutes. I had to remind myself to keep up with the tally. 

This led me to my decision to become unplugged.

Just for a week.

Not a drastic life change. 

...Well it shouldn't be.

Because I'm not planning to become Amish. I'm not living like a pilgrim and lighting a candle to read by. I am going to to use my phone as a landline. 

I will still work on my computer at work.

I have a workline in case of emergencies. 

If I need to take a picture, I'll use a camera.

If I need to check the time, I'll wear a watch.

I'll check my voicemails and texts at the end of the evening each day when I come home.

If I need to know directions somewhere or the answer to some random question... I'll ask an actual human.

 Nothing will change, except for the constant access. 

 

Im hoping I'll find the time that was lost over the internet waves.

Tomorrow until next Sunday, I'll live in the real world rather than the cyber world, and next Sunday. I'll Let you know what I learned in Part II. 

IS SPIRITUALITY IMPORTANT?

IS SPIRITUALITY IMPORTANT?

I do not have religion. My fiancé and I do not belong to a church, or synagogue. We are not connected to a specific doctrine. We do not have a specific community that shares the same set of beliefs. But I am decidedly spiritual and, in my own way, close to God.


I was baptized Catholic, raised a Lutheran, befriended by a Muslim, who became a 'by water not blood sister' in the 4th grade, introduced into a Jewish household by my step family that same year, and have lived my adult life reading on Buddhism & meditation practices. I've traveled extensively. I've attended Mass in Ireland, walked the Roman Vatican, admired the towers of Notre Dame, and sat within Buddhist temples in China. I am also an avid reader, fascinated by religion, history, science, and above all, people.


My college major was psychology. My internships were in family based counseling and drug addiction centers. I watched people cling to religion while they faced hardships. I watched some people heal because of it. I observed the strength it gave to people with wonder. I remember often thinking, what it must be like to truly believe in something so strongly.


For years, I absorbed religions, traditions, and cultures like a sponge. I examined the differences through the objective perspective of a scholar. I never felt a pressing need to adhere to one or banish another. If I thought a particular custom or story seemed ridiculous, I approached it with amusement and intrigue, never disgust or judgment. I did not carry the fear or pride of someone who had grown up with a strong, singular belief system. More importantly, I had never felt the need for one.


But then, my life changed. I lost someone to cancer, my grandmother, a primary caregiver in my life. In that same year, I, myself, became ill. I was hospitalized. And while in the hospital, I had time to think. I had time for depression. I had time for panic. My glittering, fair weathered, life was finally facing a storm. I had family and friends around me. I had science- my medical staff explained that with treatment, I would come out fine. But, for the first time, I needed more. My friends and family could not give me the answers to my questions. Where is my grandmother now? Why is life like this? Why am I so mortal?


And there I was. Spiritually, alone. Just my soul looking out into darkness wondering what, or who, was on the other end. I had met so many people with different paths leading them to their God. Their different traditions and holy languages muddling together like strokes of different colors creating a dark shade that I could not decipher. Who is right? To whom should I pray? Which stories do I believe?


Not knowing where to start, I prayed to the only person I could think of. My grandmother. I cried, and I prayed. And I did this for a long time.


Eventually, I prayed to God.


I felt better. I looked outside. I saw nature. I saw stars, oceans, trees, mountains, streets, animals, people, my loved ones. I saw everything all at once. And I felt a part of it. I felt peaceful. And I learned something.



It is okay not to know. It’s ok to believe that there is a grand presence protecting and leading, without giving it a name. But, it is important to let yourself believe in it. It is important to find sanctuary and strength in knowing there is MORE. It is important to develop a sense of spirituality because believing in cosmic order is the same as believing in love. It allows hope to enter your life. Without trusting there is a benevolent force guiding you, there is no hope of walking out of the storm. Hope is allowing yourself to enter suspended belief- i.e. shrugging the easy-come criticisms of "believing" to the side and letting yourself trust.


The choice isn't between abandoning science and logic to blindly and vehemently commit to religion. The choice is believing that your walking alone through random meaningless events, or believing that you are connected to a greater design. You get to pick who your god is, what your personal rules are, and what actions bring forth the feeling of spiritual comfort.


The only choice is whether or not to open the umbrella when the storm hits, or stand in the rain.

Dream On ♡ (written last September)

        "You, you may say. I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one." John Lennon

  In February, I turn 27 years old. I am getting married next summer. I have, by these examples, ceremoniously entered womanhood. Yet, I still catch myself wondering who I will become when I grow up.

           My physical age is defined as adult. My girlish looks are slowly changing. Every morning, I wake up and notice subtle changes that gradually etiolate my young, dancer body. I still teach dance to children, and as we warm up I feel my joints and muscles slowing down, unable to effortlessly flex and stretch through the positions. When I look in the mirror, I see a grown up looking back.

           My mental age per contra is somewhere in the late teens/early twenties. I'm old enough to understand the responsibilities that weigh on me. I refuse to leave a job that is not a good fit for me because it offers me the security of a salary and benefits. I have bills to pay. However, I am young enough to daydream, stary eyed, about what adventure will come next.

            My daydreams are never connected to this reality. I picture myself writing novels and traveling the world; with no proximate stepping stones towards achieving these goals. I dream big, but live steady. I work for an insurance company. I teach dance in the evenings. I chip away at a Master's degree. I plan short vacations when time allows. I don't throw everything into a suitcase, quit my job, and travel West to write the American novel. Even though that sounds fantastic to me. But for now, I am a worker bee- at least my body is. My mind is elsewhere. I have not resolved to believe, this is it. This is who I've become. 

         The point of this article is to deliberate on whether holding on to a bigger dream is a healthy optimistic choice or a disillusioned distraction.  I'll argue both sides; as I have many times before in the privacy of my own journals. 

 OPTIMISTIC CHOICE

         Dreams create pathways. They shape our decisions. They inspire drive.  Imagining new possibilities cultivates an active mind and  optimistic disposition. A recent study published in the Archives of Neurology indicated that active use of your brain may deter the onset of Alzhemier's. They were indicating the benefits of learning, using puzzles, and socializing. These activities decrease the natural  pruning of our synapses that occur due to inactivity. But what motivates a person to stay mentally active? I would argue, dreams. Its the hopefulness that tomorrow you one step closer to achieving your goal.  Dreams create purpose. The purpose is to achieve the dream.

        Achieving a dream can lead to fulfillment, life satisfaction, and happiness.  In February of this year, A 101 year old man, Fauja Singh, completed a 10 kilometer marathon because it made him happy. He attributed being able to complete this wild feat purely to his mental will. 

He was qouted by CNN saying, "It's because of the happiness I get out of it. If something makes you happy, you'll do it well." 

But, what if holding onto your dreams does not necessarily guarantee happiness...

DISILLUSIONED DISTRACTION

We've all met the man or woman who talks a big game, but has no substance to back his or her words. Some people live hopelessly stuck in a loop. They have the creativity to imagine a better life for themselves. They have the direction that points them towards who they wish they could become. But, they either don't have the resources (or more commonly) are too bound by fear to take action towards bringing their dreams to fruition. So, without taking action their dreams dangle in front of them. Unattainable. 

Life satisfaction is based on appreciation and expectations. Chasing a dream may distract from appreciating the blessings that are currently abundant.Comparing the dream to the reality may cause the reality to appear not good enough. If the dream is never achieved does the person die with regret? 

My late grandmother talked about owning her own farm in Michigan until the week she died. She lived in a suburban community in Pennsylvania, but she loved cows and she loved snow. Her heart was North on an imaginary Dairy Farm. I remember worrying that she did unfulfilled, never having lived on that farm. But, as a beloved member of our family, who passed surrounded by love, did the dream matter? Unfortunately, I didn't ask. 

The conclusion I've come to is, dreams are positive catalysts AND coping mechanisms. Catalysts when paired with action. Coping mechanisms when applied only as distractions. 

Most importantly, dreams are an enduring piece of our souls carried from our childhood to the grave. A part of us that can not be weathered by age, but merely fine tuned from our experiences. Dreams are immortal. 

Let's Talk about important things.

Don't get me wrong. I am a glutton for time wasting fluffy internet garbage. Yes, I am up to date on the happenings of Miley Cyrus.

But actually, that's one of the reasons, I started a blog.

I'm tired of of reading fluff. Everytime a page is opened there is an add in your face. For every uplifting thing you find, there's some hateful internet gang tearing it up. But that's kind of its reputation The internet is a marketing wet dream & a troll's paradise. People can be really hideous to each other and  they can try to sell you stuff. Trying to navigate around those themes takes some time and energy. The hours spend suffering the web add up. But, many websites have AMAZING information to untap, so I'm going to try to bring some of that here.

This blog is going to focus on the positives. (There will be the occassional bull shit.)
 But mostly, I am going to figure out my life... and share what I've encountered with... myself at first because at this point I don't have any followers. But eventually, hopefully, others.

Articles, links, photos will be shared... more when I figure out how to use this system better.

All of which will be Important :)

Importance determined by a barometer of me. & sometimes Riley. She's the dog.

Hello, Here's my blog.

I am a hopeless blogger. 

I am terrible with grammar.

I, often, use commas incorrectly.

I delight in employing recherche, multi syllabic syntax.

My word choice can be confusing.

I go on tangents.

Sometimes, I get lost while I am on them.

What were we talking about?

My spelling is poor.

In fact, I am dyslexic. 

I am a slow typer.

I am terrible with technology.

It takes me at least 5 minutes to find my blog on line.

I am not kidding.

Yet, I love to write.

And what is writing, without an audience.

So, hello. Here's my blog. 

Wander with Me

Everyone experiences life differently. Some people are born with a distinctive sense of purpose that is as clear to them as knowing their own names.

“I was dancing before I could walk”, brags the dancer.

“I  built Leggo bridges”, muses the engineer.

But, I think the majority of us float around satisfied with several fantasies regarding who we may become and what we hope to accomplish. I am a part of the latter. I assume my state of indecisiveness is how most of my peers feel [here’s hoping for lots of friends].

I can usually recognize my fellow soul seeker when our paths cross. We are not the most put together people in the room. We generally reek of discontentment. The person stands in front of me, but his or her mind is far from the confines of the room. Little things in the way the person is dressed may give him away. For me, it was a feather sewn into my hair. It was subtle, hidden behind my ear, but it was there.

“Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle.” 
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

It takes courage to wander. People assume if you have not uncovered your direction in life, then you’re somehow off track. It makes people very uncomfortable when they cannot place a label on someone they encounter. We all do it. We label. It’s in our nature to prune out unique, foreign traits and identify the familiar characteristics we understand. That social strategy serves an important purpose for us. For example, a man is holding a bloody knife.

Brain thinks: man with bloody knife in alley is dangerous vs. man with bloody knife in kitchen is Gordon Ramsey . Labeling someone, murderer vs chef, allows us to stack the odds in our favor when predicting their behavior.

 So, what happens when a person has not chosen their label yet? We tend to label them anyway. The unemployed graduate who left his stable job because he realized he was spending his youth serving a corporate lord, rather than finding meaning in his life. The choice may have lost him status, money, security, and stability. He might have to demean himself, by depending on others to get him from one day to the next. He may not be able to afford to buy new clothes. He may appear lesser to people who knew him before. These friends may look at him and think, “He’s so lost right now.” But, the day he had enough courage to diverge to a different path, may have been the day he began finding his way. That was the day he became a Wanderer.

“All those who wander are not lost.”
-J.R.R. Tolkien

They are still exploring. Finding the purpose the lies dormant at our core.

Not everyone is designed to jump with both feet into the water. Some people test the water. Testing the water can express itself in many forms. Sometimes it appears in a socially accepted role, but other times, it expresses itself in a more isolating shape. But there is so much beauty in the search. Finding your way can be filled with priceless experience,  and self enrichment. But a person can go infinitely further into that journey when their environment is conducive and their loved ones are supportive. Otherwise, condescension packs one hell of a sting.

There is no right or wrong way to live. This is one absolute truth I have grown to accept. This is true because life is infinitely personal. I choose to peruse the most minute intricacies of the world around me. Focusing primarily on the people that i am blessed to meet during this journey. There is an infinite range of emotions in each person. My definition of purpose is every individual seeking control in obtaining the happy shades of that spectrum. I wander to find my happy shades.

 “Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to."
"I don't much care where –"
"Then it doesn't matter which way you go.” 
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Seeking Attention Seekers

Attention seeking isn’t just for the narcissists. As a middle class, indulged, female I’ve been taught two conditioned truths;

 (1). Without an audience, my worth can not be confirmed. [Correct Answer. Gold Star!]

(2). Seeking attention is a negative. [That bitch is thirssstty]

If you disagree, let’s breakdown how society works. First you are born. If your family doesn’t like you, you die. Then you grow a little older. If your peers don’t like you, you get out casted.  If you’re out casted you won’t make important social connections for jobs, education, marriage, and community. If you don’t get an education or a job, you’ll have no money. If you have no means to support yourself, you’re more likely to…die. [At least that’s the theory that’s indoctrinated into our minds from the time we enter civilized society]. Hence our inner survivalist screaming there’s safety in numbers!!

As I write, my puppy sits next to me and stares. She makes small grunting sounds, and occasionally lifts her paw, attempting her most endearing head tilts. She does this for attention. As a baby crying upon entering this Earth confirms, the need for attention and approval is innate.

Here’s the great news.We’ve entered an era of SOCIAL MEDIA. Social Media:The ultimate tool in the attention seekers utility belt. Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, Blogger, Instagram, Pinterest, Foursquare, and Google Plus are at my disposal 24 hours a day from my cell phone. So in theory we should all be connected and happy.

Yet…  (2). Seeking attention is a negative. [That bitch is thirssstty]

Where’s the boundary? Sayings like, “Don’t beg for facebook likes. Work hard to earn what you deserve.” Have gone viral [whilst hypocritically collecting thousands of facebook-likes]. Why are the “attention whores” seen in such a negative light and not worshiped?

The answer is in the balance and integrity. Americans are traditional folks. We like the humble-billionare; the hardworking business owner who still sweeps his own store floors; the cowboy who kills but only the bad guys who deserve it. We expect people to be well rounded. We like to make people work for approval.

We also are lead by fear. People see the self absorbed as selfish. If we focus on bringing the attention inward, then we lose focus on becoming generativist. If we are not contributing to others, we don’t deserve their support.

The point: find balance. My social media lovers- if you want to utilize these forums by my side, please be ready to contribute. Discuss, debate, support, create laughter, show love, share knowledge. Do not let jealousy, prejudice, or insecurities jade the opportunity we have to use forums for GOOD. Collaboration can lead to beautiful things. Celebrate yourself! But remember to celebrate others.

I am a selfish person who does selfless things.

I am a selfish person who does selfless things.

Today, I took my 9 month old Shiba Inu, Riley, for a walk though our neighborhood. The weather was picturesque. It’s Pennsylvania crisp fall air visiting the hearty greenery of mid August flora. Two children, a boy and a girl, around the ages of six and eight were gleefully running around their house. As we approached, the expected “Can I pet your puppy?!” squeal met both my, and my disconcerted puppy’s ears. My puppy stopped dead in her tracks and disappeared quickly behind my legs. I smiled and agreed, against Riley’s (my pup) obvious objection. The children ran over to me, hands extended.  Then for an awkward 2 minutes I spun in circles, untangling our leash, attempting to pick up my puppy’s darting body for easier petting access. Finally, once she had completely flattened herself against the pavement, I was able to scoop her into my arms and allow a few gentle head pats. The satisfied children bounded back to their abandoned bicycle and toys, and I, dog still under my arm, turned for home.

I looked at Riley. She had already forgotten her last few moments of torture and was focused on a squirrel in the distance. We had been warned that Shiba Inus need socialization when they are young, or their breeding can predispose them to become skittish in the company of strangers and other animals. Riley is already queen of our dog park- joyfully immersing herself into the world of dog peers. She is also great with our family and friends; however with limited exposure to children in our current social scene, her apprehension towards these children had me concerned.

Then, I remembered, a woman at our dog park had told me she takes her Yorkshire Terrier to the Children’s Hospital to visit the healing patients. I jumped online and downloaded the application. Riley must be a year old before we are eligible to volunteer. But, I know my dog. She’s non aggressive, and warms up to pretty much anything [including our vacuum- her long standing nemesis] with enough exposure, so she would not be a threat to these kids when we become eligible. So, my mind was made up. We would volunteer for the program.

I already visit the Humane Society at least once a month to donate food and litter- and pet animals.

I try to participate whenever I’m asked to walk or run in several of my friend’s charity events- because it’s enjoyable, good exercise, and usually a social outing.

I pick up litter outside- because I enjoy looking at pretty, natural settings.

I spend a couple extra bucks when food is labeled as locally grown- because it makes me feel better about not contributing to big food co. (I heard there pretty gnarly, in too many ways to disclose in this sentence).

But my point is, depending on how I pitch these activities, I could be a selfless do gooder or a selfish person who does good things.

I’ve decided being selfish as you act selflessly is a lesser evil than having the best intentions yet not taking action. Because, this is the stepping stone to a more enlightened you. Ok, maybe you don’t “get it” [that Euphoric higher understanding of giving back to the world], but most of us have developed a basic moral compass. Naturally, if you practice any activity repetitively you begin to develop a deeper understanding of that activity. Therefore, the practice of doing good begins the journey towards the state of being “good”.  

I’m not a religious gal, but I’ve always appreciated the saying, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. If that is true, then the road to heaven [in my case defined as enlightenment, bliss, happiness, and fulfillment] must be paved with action.